“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.” – Matthew 6:25
I don’t know about you but I have a tendency to worry. I like to plan (and control) things so when I don’t have a clear picture of what I am supposed to be doing I get a bit anxious. This has come up as I approach my 6-month mark in South Korea. I had planned on staying a second year – no doubts, no worries, and a sense of peace led me to believe that God and I were in agreement. A few weeks ago that sense of peace vanished and I became anxious and unhappy. I didn’t know what to do.
I want to obey God. I am perfectly happy with going home and I am perfectly happy with staying. That is not the issue…the issue is that I want God to tell me NOW which path I’ll be taking. I whined and prayed and begged for Him to just tell me which one. I was like a small child around Christmas, demanding to know what’s in the wrapped box. I am willing to obey Him but it turns out that I mean on my terms.
- I’ll obey You God, IF you tell me when you’re planning this.
- I’ll obey You, IF you show me the blueprints
- I’ll obey You, BUT I am going to tweak some item You have planned.
- I’ll obey You but….
This is anxious obedience and it isn’t really obeying Him. It took me a little while to recognize that. It shows a lack of trust and faith because I feel that I need to plan for what He’s doing in my life. I don’t completely trust Him to provide for me or that His timing will be perfect. Sigh. I hate seeing my sin popping up but I love that God will show me where I am weak. I didn’t realize that I have a struggle with trust. I just thought I was preparing…and there’s nothing wrong with preparing but if I become anxious because I don’t know the details of His plan for me, then I am not trusting in Him.
God has told me all I need to know about His plans:
When I was struggling with these thoughts, I decided to quiet myself and take a Jesus Calling approach and write from God’s perspective and this is what was revealed to me:
“Why are you worrying? God won’t let you choose the wrong path if you’re listening to Him. Maybe you don’t need to know the specific plans He has for you but you know that they are for good and not to harm you. It doesn’t mean that bad things wont happen; it just means that it will serve a purpose. He knows what He’s doing and Christ understands. Yes, He knew the Father’s plans for His crucifixion but He doesn’t know when the Father will send Him back. Despite this, He moved forward in faith, love and obedience trusting the Father’s plan and knowing that when the time is perfect, the Father will let Him know that the time is now. Therefore, live in the present but prepare for the future.”
I still don’t know what the plan is but I know that God’s plans are better than any of my dreams.
What do you worry about? How do you handle it?